Results: Survivor's Guilt
Published on 04/14/2018
E.O.W. 03.02.18 May his memory be blessed RIP
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1.
1.
On a basic level, survivor guilt is exactly what it sounds like: a sense of deep guilt that comes when one survives something. If you have heard of survivor guilt before what likely comes to mind is survivors of wars, natural disasters or other traumas. Survivor guilt was actually first documented and discussed after the Holocaust and what has become clear in the decades that have followed is that survivors' guilt is far more common than was initially understood. Survivor guilt was previously a diagnosis in the DSM, but was removed and now is a symptom of PTSD. That said, one can experience survivor guilt independent of a PTSD diagnosis. What makes survivor guilt especially complex is that the experience varies dramatically for each individual. Whether a person experiences survivor guilt, its duration and its intensity all vary from person to person. But the underlying feelings are similar: feeling guilty that you survived when someone else died and that you do not deserve to live when another person did not. Check off what is true for you:
I have experienced this (past or current)
10%
230 votes
I know someone who has or is still experiencing this
10%
245 votes
Both
4%
104 votes
Neither
76%
1793 votes
2.
2.
If you've experienced survivor's guilt, please check off the situation that is the source of origin:
After surviving war
2%
45 votes
Surviving an accident
4%
89 votes
Surviving natural disaster
2%
51 votes
Surviving an act of violence
3%
81 votes
After surviving an illness that is fatal for others
3%
66 votes
After a fellow drug-user dies of an overdose
2%
43 votes
When a parent dies from complications of childbirth
1%
26 votes
After receiving an organ transplant
1%
22 votes
After causing an accident in which others died
1%
22 votes
Guilt for not being present at the time of an accident to potentially save the person who died.
3%
78 votes
When a child dies before a parent
3%
81 votes
Death of a sibling, especially in the case of an illness
4%
85 votes
Other (please specify)
2%
37 votes
Not Applicable
80%
1899 votes
3.
3.
If you were able to work through and move past the guilt, what action(s) did you take? Accept what you are feeling. Guilt is a stigmatized emotion, as people can make us feel that it is wrong to feel guilty. Keep in mind that guilt is not, on its own, a problem. It is a natural feeling that needs to be acknowledged, accepted and processed.
6%
152 votes
Know you're not alone. Survivor guilt is much more common than people realize. Finding a support group or other space to connect with others experiencing similar feelings can be very helpful in sharing feelings and feeling less isolated.
6%
154 votes
Remember that your relief and appreciation for your survival can co-exist with your grief for those who died. Celebrating your own survival does not in any way diminish your grief for those who did not survive.
5%
120 votes
Grieve those who died. In some cases, those who died are not people you knew personally or knew well. This does not mean you cannot take space to mourn those who died in a way that is personal and meaningful for you.
5%
130 votes
Do something with your guilt. Whether rational or irrational, you can use your guilt to help others. What you do may come out of things you have learned. Whether it is educating others so they can avoid the mistakes you feel guilty about, raising awareness about causes of death (anything from heart disease to substance abuse to suicide), or simply encouraging others to talk with their family about end of life wishes, you can use many guilt experiences to help others.
4%
93 votes
Don't get stuck on the 'whys'. Like a small child can't stop asking 'why', when events like this happen we often fixate the 'why'. If there is a 'why', we can't know what it is no matter how long we obsess about the question. Difficult as it it, try to let go of asking the 'why' question and focus on the meaning you can create from your survival. Whether it is big or small, seek the ways you will create something from this second chance.
4%
106 votes
Check out our other posts on guilt. I linked to them up in the first paragraph, but if you skipped right over them this might be a good time to jump back up and read our posts on dealing with grief in general. Though survivor guilt is unique, it shares features with other types of guilt that might be helpful.
2%
42 votes
Embrace life. Cheesy, I know. But in spite of your feelings of guilt, it is important to enjoy the life you have been given. In the depths of guilt, this can be hard, but it can also be an extremely helpful part of digging out of that hole by feeling you are valuing the gift you were given.
5%
115 votes
Talk to a counselor. If you are still struggling with survivor guilt it may be time to get some professional help. Look for a counselor in your area. A counselor with experience in trauma may be an especially good fit, as they likely have experience with this type of guilt.
5%
111 votes
Other (please specify)
0%
8 votes
Not Applicable
80%
1902 votes
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